


Don't Forget To Breathe

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Cybersex, Demisexuality, Explicit Language, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M, Pesterlog, Roleplay, Roleplay Logs, casual ableist language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-19
Updated: 2013-11-19
Packaged: 2018-01-02 00:55:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1050600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John's dad is religious and John is afraid of liking Dave.<br/>So as far as he's concerned, it's not something that he's going to deal with.<br/>He's totally straight.<br/>Dave politely disagrees.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Forget To Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> It's an RP log. So sue me.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxhSidauFPU

TG: hey bro  
TG: whats the haps  
EB: hey dave!  
TG: gimme the good word  
TG: been chasing some mad tail or what  
TG: y/n  
TG: if n  
TG: i have one ready for the chasing  
EB: haha even though im suuuuch a ladies man, ive just been hanging around the apartment.  
EB: what?  
TG: what  
TG: i totally was not at all offering you my ass on a silver platter  
TG: absolutely not  
EB: hahaha what no. gross!  
TG: what  
TG: you think im  
TG: gross  
TG: ouch  
TG: that hurts me  
EB: no not you!  
EB: its just.  
EB: im not gay?  
TG: oh ok so my ass is fine  
EB: what thats not what i said.  
EB: i mean to someone else, like a girl, or a gay guy, im sure they'd like it.  
TG: snrk  
TG: oh man  
EB: shut up!  
TG: come on thats closeted gay dude 101 that whole "i dont know how to appreciate the male body because im not gay"  
TG: man chicks do it all the time straight girls can call other girls pretty  
TG: you can say i have a nice ass  
TG: like that flight of the conchords song  
EB: oh my god.  
EB: okay, you have a nice ass, dave.  
EB: see? not gay.  
TG: totally not gay  
TG: nothing gay about complimenting a dudes ass  
TG: hahahahahahaha  
EB: shut the fuck up!  
TG: alright dude calm down im just messing with you  
EB: this conversation is not homosexual in any context!  
EB: and i am not homosexual!  
EB: at all!  
EB: i fuck girls.  
TG: john settle the fuck down holy shit  
EB: a lot of girls.  
EB: so many girls dave.  
TG: name one  
EB: your mom.  
TG: come on man low blow you know i dont have one of those  
TG: you sound like such a dudebro right now tho  
TG: i mean damn wheres your saggy pants and snapback and monster energy drink  
EB: um, i only drink rockstars and you know it.  
TG: ohhh my gooood  
TG: this is the gayest conversation ive ever had  
TG: next youre gonna tell me about call of duty and how girls are ruining xbox live  
EB: girls dont even play xbox!  
TG: wh  
TG: did  
TG: i  
TG: did you actually just say that  
EB: ...  
EB: call of duty is stupid.  
TG: that is so not enough to save you at this point  
TG: you are in far too deep  
EB: ugh.  
EB: can was talk about something else?  
EB: please?  
TG: look man  
TG: im not rose  
TG: i cannot therapeutically get shit out of you like some sort of tentacle beast shoving itself down all your orifices searching for truth  
TG: but what i can do is tell you that you are literally THE best friend i have ever had  
TG: and nothing is gonna make me think of you any differently  
TG: and you know i dont wanna budge anything but at the end of the day  
TG: only you know what youre about  
TG: and who you are  
EB: oh  
EB: uh, thanks.  
TG: but i just want you to know that regardless of what that is- absolutely regardless  
TG: nothings gonna change  
TG: so you shouldnt let any sort of fear keep you from thinking about that kinda thing  
TG: im not going anywhere  
TG: neither is rose or jade because we all love you  
TG: so you know just  
TG: take some time to think about it you know  
EB: whats going on?  
EB: is this some kind of weird intervention?  
TG: i dont think an intervention with one person would really do much good  
TG: also that sounds more like something your dad would organize  
TG: this isnt an intervention man i have nothing to intervene either than terrible dudebroitis  
TG: just want you to know that i always got your back you know  
TG: were buddies were bros we are the dream team  
TG: or some other gay shit like that  
EB: not gay,  
EB: but i get it.  
TG: ok dude the whole overly defensive thing aint helping your case  
TG: john i need you to just  
TG: touch my butt  
EB: im not being overly defensive? its just that every time we talk you-  
EB: SEE!  
EB: you're doing it again!  
EB: you're hitting on me!  
TG: oh my god im not hitting on you  
TG: a) why would i hit on you  
TG: b) if i was hitting on you i would be way more aggressive about it than jocular passes  
EB: what do you mean 'why would i hit on you'?!  
TG: you need to settle down man youre so afraid of feeling and looking even remotely homosexual and thats actually fucked up  
TG: exactly that?? why would i hit on you  
TG: what reason would i have to hit on you  
EB: well, why not?  
TG: because im not interested in you??  
EB: oh.  
TG: let me explain this really simply alright  
TG: do you actively pursue every woman you speak to and walk by  
EB: no?  
TG: so why the hell would a guy do that with another guy  
EB: im not saying you hit on every guy!  
EB: but you keep asking me to touch your butt and stuff.  
TG: im literally just screwing with you dude  
TG: i tell rose to touch my butt too  
TG: it doesnt mean anything  
TG: if im getting up in your business curling a finger in your hair brushing our dicks together and feelin up your arm thats cause for concern  
TG: dont know why any gay guy would hit on you anyway when you act homophobic as hell all the damn time  
TG: i mean unless he had one of those  
TG: "fixerupper" complexes  
TG: only someone like that would be trying to date you so you admit it to yourself  
EB: what? no, im not. i'm not homophobic, really.  
EB: im not gay is all.  
TG: ok but why are you so quick to the punch with that shit  
TG: dude i used gay in the derogatory way and you still jumped to correct it like  
EB: its just because im not!  
TG: yeah dude  
TG: i get it  
TG: no one is accusing you of being gay ever  
TG: but you still need to make sure everyone knows it  
TG: and do you know what that is??  
TG: thats closet 101  
EB: what? TG: getting overly defensive, being borderline homophobic and a general douchebag about all things not heterosexual  
TG: its what closeted dudes do to stay in denial  
EB: haha what no? who would i even be gay for that's so dumb! stupid stupid dumb.   
TG: ok let me just  
TG: you aren't  
TG: "gay for people"  
TG: youre just gay  
TG: or bi or whatever the hell it happens to be  
TG: you dont need a person to be gay thats not how it works  
TG: a person isnt just  
TG: heterosexual until ryan reynolds shows up  
EB: ew ryan reynolds?  
TG: uh yeah hes fucking gorgeous  
TG: shut your damn mouth  
EB: brunettes aren't that great.  
EB: i mean like, in any form.  
TG: http://www.allstarworkouts.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/ryan-reynolds-after-blade-trinity-and-amityville-horror.jpg  
EB: brown hair just doesn't do it for me.  
TG: fucking excuse you  
TG: god i wanna run my tongue on those fucking ABS  
EB: ew.  
TG: and his hips hot damn  
TG: bet hes hung  
TG: kinda looks ilke a douche with a beard tho  
TG: what were we talking about again  
TG: you dont like brunettes  
EB: yeah no.  
EB: i mean i guess he's got abs? but he's just really. his face is weird!  
EB: and he's a dude.  
TG: then http://cdn-media.hollywood.com/images/l/IdrisElbaUse.jpg  
EB: but his face.  
TG: shut up john goddamn  
TG: i already said i know you dont like dudes stop reminding me  
EB: im not reminding you!  
EB: ok fine  
EB: uh that guy is ok. who is he?  
TG: yes you are reminding me holy shit youve reminded me like 50 times since i fucking messaged you  
TG: idris elba hes in thor and pacific rim  
TG: babe central  
TG: you KNOW hes got a cock to die for  
EB: ok i guess i can agree on an aesthetic level he is good looking, and sure! why not! he probably has a very large penis!  
TG: and itd feel awweeeeesoooommmmeeeeeeeeeee  
EB: his face is definitely not as weird as ryans  
EB: and i guess  
TG: dont guess john  
TG: know  
EB: bnjgkfsn  
EB: okay, so, lets not talk about his dick?  
TG: hahahahaha  
TG: im trying to think of a blonde for you but i got nothing  
TG: heres my king http://shechive.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/bradley-cooper-20.jpg?w=500&h=666  
EB: i never said blonde! but there are plenty of blonde dudes. like, chris hemsworth is a pretty respectable actor!  
TG: hemsworth eh  
EB: youre into really manly dudes  
TG: oh my god  
TG: http://www.vibe.com/sites/vibe.com/files/images/chris%20hemsworth%202.jpg  
TG: dude  
TG: he looks like my FUCKING BROTHER  
TG: god damn  
TG: http://www.thor2.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/thor_trainer.jpg  
TG: much better  
TG: woah hoe here we go  
TG: http://secretsofagoodgirl.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/chris-hemsworth-joe-mag.png  
TG: soaking wet shorts john  
TG: you can see his package  
EB: oh  
EB: yeah  
TG: pale as hell though  
EB: you can  
EB: pale isnt bad!  
TG: looks nice  
EB: i kind of wish i was pale.  
TG: being pale sucks  
TG: http://cdn.madamenoire.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Chris-Hemsworth-Pictures-Surfing-Maroubra-Beach-Sydney.jpg  
TG: godDAMN  
TG: look at how fuckin far down  
EB: i think hes nice but hes just really muscly tbh, and weren't you just like "eh" a second ago?  
EB: now you're all like, goddamn!  
EB: look at his cock through his soaking wet shorts!  
TG: yeah because i found pictures where he wasnt a scrawner version of my fucking brother  
EB: your brother isn't bad looking!  
TG: you did not just say that  
EB: you are correct.  
EB: i didnt just say that!  
TG: its not a matter of how my brother looks its a matter of i dont want to think about him while im tugging it you feel me  
TG: so what you dont like muscles  
EB: not really? i mean, some are ok? i like the lean look. like, muscular but not all bulgy and gross.  
EB: i mean that's like the ideal body, right?  
TG: oh yeah  
TG: i got the guy for you  
TG: http://www.oassf.com/en/media/images/alex_pettyfer.jpg  
TG: hes even blonde look at that http://collegecandy.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/alex-pettyfer-alex-pettyfer-9509813-571-799.jpg  
EB: his shades look so stupid hehe  
TG: kinda cute http://handson.provocateuse.com/images/photos/alex_pettyfer_01.jpg  
TG: hes also super gay you can see it in his face http://hollywoodmomblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/alex-dark-hair.jpg  
EB: you can tell if someone is gay by looking at their face?!  
TG: oh yeah its an intuition 2/5 gays share  
TG: skips some of us but  
TG: others  
TG: we know  
EB: oh  
EB: thats uh  
EB: really interesting!  
TG: i tell you man when i first laid eyes on you  
TG: gay at first sight  
EB: i'm not!!  
TG: alright im gonna start keeping a tally  
TG: thats 1  
EB: fuck you!  
TG: also im fucking with you no one has a sure fire gaydar  
EB: oh. okay.  
EB: haahah anyway  
EB: alex pettyfer has weird hair.  
TG: but a good body  
TG: i mean  
TG: for someone into weird scrawny dudes i guess  
EB: he's not even scrawny?  
EB: but that's not the point.  
EB: overall he's just not that attractive!  
TG: youre impossible  
EB: i just like the alternative aesthetic more? okay?  
EB: jeez.  
EB: im not hard to please, you're just into model bara dudes.  
TG: take this and get out of my sight http://jp12.r0tt.com/t_404bd120-8352-11e2-a101-d7f15d700012.jpg  
EB: she's kind of fake looking.  
TG: no shit  
TG: OH  
TG: i got one hold up  
TG: http://celebritiesexercise.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/ryan-gosling-workout1.jpg  
TG: come on look at his cute little pout https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRnkqXBfeNv3uarUZLelB9ZDat0XNXS7dLI70hi2WFdh4dfws9K5A  
TG: or is this your type http://pixel.nymag.com/content/dam/daily/vulture/2012/08/30/30-benedict-cumberbatch.jpg  
EB: ew no!  
EB: he has a face like a horse  
EB: http://31.media.tumblr.com/a546bb276fd761c0aac52aa89d386f4f/tumblr_mw5yg384MJ1rr70dmo1_500.png  
EB: this guy is okay  
TG: looks like me if i went to bed with wet hair  
EB: no he doesnt!  
TG: my lips arent quite that fabulous though  
TG: thems dick sucking lips  
EB: your lips are fuller than that?  
EB: a little bit.  
EB: but not as weirdly placed.  
EB: he has a big chin.  
TG: oh ho so you think mine are better  
TG: here ill just google "blond hipster tool"  
TG: shutterstock  
TG: damn  
EB: ugh.  
EB: maybe youll like this dude?  
EB: http://24.media.tumblr.com/e67220971ee10d26e0e11fa7a14febfb/tumblr_mvoqj2CmIF1qi8jq0o1_500.jpg  
EB: i mean hes alright.  
TG: man he looks five  
TG: much better http://25.media.tumblr.com/108a1f276b6584aa6ffa9e3725b31f2f/tumblr_mw5ftmFLgI1r7ttu8o1_500.jpg  
TG: god there are so many dicks in this tag im so glad  
TG: how about this douche http://24.media.tumblr.com/d1ea7d8c63f3301f6100410fdf8b2bcc/tumblr_mw8bpwYRtp1rdd4axo1_500.jpg  
EB: the second guy has nice lips  
TG: want em on your dick tho  
TG: i feel like your taste in men is "me with a different haircut"  
EB: haha what fuck no  
EB: http://media.tumblr.com/36936ff3a6d77d23fc387bf5ef533991/tumblr_inline_mj7dyxnC3U1qz4rgp.jpg  
EB: hes nice  
EB: yup.  
TG: oh yeah definitely  
TG: nice find  
EB: his name is cykeem white  
EB: http://media.tumblr.com/00d3b62063e9df05b1be682d845fe06d/tumblr_inline_mj7dzmhBmn1qz4rgp.jpg  
TG: well i my dicks gonna cykeem out   
EB: what  
TG: dont expect effective clever responses while im this hard alright  
EB: you really like him that much?  
TG: i like most of these dudes  
TG: honestly though i still thinking about hemsworth is soaking wet shorts  
EB: well stop thinking about that and lets talk about something else!  
EB: like, have you noticed how much it has been raining lately?  
TG: imagine him popping a boner like that and that fabric just sticks to him the whole time  
EB: stop!  
TG: youd see every inch of him through it  
TG: all the bumps and grooves and his head  
EB: no stop shut up.  
EB: i dont care about chris hemsworth dick, ughhhhhhhhh.  
EB: weather!  
EB: lalalalala i am not listening.  
TG: and when you peeled off those shorts his whole dick would just jump up once it was free  
EB: no you're not allowed to think about hemsworth's dick you need to stop.  
TG: thats not even considering how slick hid skin would be from the water too  
EB: dave no.  
TG: man i can think about hemsworth dick all i want  
TG: and his glistening skin dripping from the swim  
TG: i bet he keeps his pubes tidy  
EB: youre officially banned from talking about guys you find attractive.  
EB: im so done here.  
TG: hahahahaha  
TG: well hey man  
TG: im proud of you  
TG: you had an entire discussion about attractive men  
TG: and you lived to tell the tale  
TG: no gay demons swallowed you up  
EB: yes! i did! now shut up.  
TG: did you get hard  
EB: no! but im mad now. ugh.  
TG: why are you mad  
TG: you did it dude  
TG: you talked about half naked men and didnt pop a boner  
TG: you can now feel secure enough in your heterosexuality without being a douche  
EB: i just dont like hearing you ramble about some other dudes dick!  
TG: woah  
TG: woah woah woah  
TG: what do you mean "other dudes"  
EB: thats not what i meant.  
TG: prefer i talk about yours  
EB: no!  
EB: i didnt say that.  
EB: i never said that?  
TG: i dunno thats kiiiinda how it sounded  
TG: kind of super majorly jealous  
TG: i mean hey id be happy to talk about your dick it probably looks great under soaking wet swim shorts too  
EB: i wasnt. im not jealous.  
TG: then what did you mean by that  
TG: you want to hear about mine  
EB: uh wow. look at my wrist! its time to talk about something else now!  
TG: cause i can tell you about my dick dude  
TG: like how its still throbbing rn  
TG: and how its so hard i dont even have a chance of hiding shit  
TG: all flushed up red  
EB: wow thats. youre talking about your dick! haha that's definitely a thing you're doing.  
TG: and lemme just brush my thumb there you go now glistened up and shined with fresh pre hell yeah  
TG: hard as hell dude i could press into anything  
TG: get all slicked up  
EB: brush your thumb.....like... wait. are you touching yourself?  
EB: like for real?  
EB: or are you fucking with me.  
EB: you're totally fucking with me.  
TG: lay you down nice press your knees to your chest and your ankles to your ears  
TG: press against your entrance slip through bury deep  
TG: then start thrusting nice and easy let me hit that sweet spot and let you see stars  
TG: bet youd come so unwound you come cum from that alone  
EB: haha very fucking funny. hahahahaah im laughing so hard this is a hilarious joke!!!  
EB: who says id want to be the one to get fucked anyway, even if i /was/ gay, which im not even denying for your stupid tally, what makes you think that i'd bottom?  
TG: just because you were asking about my dick  
EB: i was not!  
TG: you were a little asking  
TG: but alright fine ill bite  
EB: i wasnt asking! i just dont want you to talk about random dudes dicks okay?  
EB: if i /was/ gay, i would totally top.  
TG: id get on all fours for you wont even make you look at me so you could live all the female fantasies you wanted  
EB: why wouldnt i want to look at you?  
EB: i mean in this scenario.  
EB: if i was gay.  
EB: i wouldnt have female fantasies!  
TG: fair enough  
EB: id totally want to be able to kiss and stuff or something if we were fucking.  
TG: gay  
EB: no!  
EB: im just talking about the scenario!  
TG: so if you were fucking a girl right now you wouldnt want to kiss her  
EB: what?  
EB: what does that have to do with anything?  
TG: im just asking  
TG: if you were fucking a girl right now would you want to be kissing her  
EB: i mean i dont know any girls i would want to kiss?  
TG: holy shit and you think you arent gay  
EB: im not!  
TG: 2  
EB: FUCK  
EB: im just saying!  
TG: so you can hypothetically imagine a situation where youre not only gay, but also having sex with me, and you know you want to kiss me  
TG: but you cant  
TG: hypothetically imagine a situation  
TG: where youre fucking a girl  
TG: and you want to kiss her  
TG: you really dont see this  
TG: like you really do not see what is blatantly staring you in the face  
EB: like, yeah ,there are pretty girls, but i would want to be kind of emotionally involved with someone to kiss them? and you can have mindless sex but kissing means a lot! and if i /was/ gay, which let the record show that i am not, yeah, add that to your damn count, then i would probably want to kiss you!  
EB: since were best bros and stuff, liking you would be kind of natural?  
TG: you are so daft goddamn  
TG: youre best friends with rose and you arent kissing  
TG: what up with that man  
TG: i mean i thought you were straight  
EB: yeah but. she's different!  
TG: isnt that kind of natural  
EB: she's like my sister!  
TG: and im not like your brother  
TG: becaaaaaause  
TG: youre a big gay and you want me hardcore  
EB: shut up!  
EB: im not and i dont!  
TG: you dont just not like rose you physically cannot like her to the point where you cant even imagine being with her  
TG: but you can imagine being with me no problem  
TG: also 4  
EB: its different because i know it could never possibly happen?  
TG: not buying it  
EB: why not?!  
TG: because you and rose could never possibly happen either  
EB: um, sort of could? sort of did. so fuck you.  
TG: sort of did eh  
TG: did it end because you couldnt get it up on account of her overwhelming femininity  
EB: we kissed like once, back when i kind of liked her. it was stupid. but i just decided it was really weird because she was your sister!  
EB: so  
EB: it /could/ happen  
TG: ahahahahahah are you fucking serious  
TG: if she was my brother youd probably have managed  
EB: shut up please fucking shut up.  
TG: i just dont understand your logic here  
TG: how can you physically not imagine even hypothetically sleeping with rose  
TG: but you can readily hypothetically sleep with me  
EB: your brother is a flirty asshole who called me jake while he was drunk like twice. we werent even doing anything. and i cant imagine it because she's rose! and you're you!  
TG: shes rose and im me  
TG: ie  
TG: she is a woman and i am a man  
TG: and yeah i dunno i cant explain the jake thing  
EB: that has nothing to do with it! maybe i can imagine it because you fucking described it so thoroughly!  
TG: ok  
EB: are you satisfied now?  
TG: so imagine youre on your back and rose is hovering over you, leaving her little black marks on your neck and chest  
EB: no no no stop.  
TG: and she sits up on your lap, she slips you inside of her, leans down and presses her breasts to your chest  
TG: do you or do you not want to kiss her  
EB: god dave im so telling her you're being a creep.  
TG: go ahead when i explain why shell understand  
EB: shes your sister! and you're describing her fucking me! it's weird!  
EB: sister-cousin hybrid because your bro is not really a bro but a dad? whatever. sister. half sister.  
EB: relative!  
TG: so  
TG: what  
TG: youre dodging the issue here  
TG: answer the question  
EB: no i don't want to kiss her!  
TG: because shes my sister  
EB: yeah.  
TG: so why is my sister different than me  
EB: its not that she's different. you're different.  
TG: dont even get me started on how skeezy it is that youd make your decisions based on her relationship to a dude instead of her individuality as a human  
TG: why am i different  
EB: i dont know!  
EB: you're just. easier to imagine? maybe it's because you hit on me so fucking much!  
EB: and its not skeevy, im respecting our friendship boundaries!  
TG: yeah but  
TG: youre respecting our friendship boundaries instead of respecting her  
TG: just  
TG: saying  
TG: whatever  
TG: not the point  
TG: john im not easier to imagine because i hit on you  
EB: well i care about her! but our friendship is really important to me!  
TG: her and i should be equals to you dude  
TG: she shouldnt be my sister to you  
EB: we've been friends longer.  
TG: not the point  
TG: lets refocus here  
TG: what was i even saying before i got caught on this fucking tangent  
TG: oh right  
TG: you were fucking me  
EB: heh  
TG: and since you wanna smooch like a literal gay im sure i can accomodate getting comfy on my back  
TG: even keep my own hips up so you can pound into me without worry and kiss me and hold my hands all you want while you do  
TG: if you let em go i can tug your hair and scratch up your back  
TG: hell maybe you can jerk me off as you go and we can both have the max amount of fun huh  
EB: on your back isnt the only position for kiss, you know. it could be on our sides, or like you on top and ok i mean you could yeah on your back you could do that and i mean of course i would do that /if/ i were gay that's just being considerate.  
TG: what youd prefer i ride you? all red in the face while i rock over your dick  
TG: which of course would be so hard itd be standing up straight anyway  
TG: if not floppin up on your tummy  
TG: heh thatd be cute  
TG: but yeah i could be down for that too  
TG: if you sit up will be nice and close and you can kiss me plenty  
TG: and you wont have to do any of the work  
TG: i can do all the rocking all the lifting up and sinking down  
EB: oh god we need to talk about something else  
TG: why  
TG: oh i was supposed to be talking about my dick wasnt i  
TG: well you could definitely get to it if i was riding you  
TG: youd have total control over me with my dick in your hand  
EB: no! we have to change topics. starting now. because im ignoring the fact that you would be "down for that"  
TG: stroke it faster ill go faster make it agonizingly slow ill sink back down on your cock agonizingly slow  
EB: dave youre getting really into this.  
EB: i thought you totally weren't into me!  
TG: then when i cum itll be all over my chest and my musclesll lock up and your dick would be caught in the crossfires still buried deep in me and got help me if you came right after that would be heaven  
TG: dont have to be into someone to be d2f  
EB: well i wouldnt kiss you if you werent into my anyway!  
EB: or fuck you for that matter.  
EB: me*  
TG: aw so i gotta be into you to get your dick  
EB: yes!  
TG: guess i gotta stop lying to save your precious feelings then  
EB: what?  
TG: deals always been cant be into john or else hell fun for the hills to pray away the gay  
TG: but if youre saying i gotta be into you to get fucked well its time to put my dick first  
EB: you just wanna get laid you'd never be into me  
TG: dude ive been into you for fucking ages  
EB: cmon dude don't fuck with me it's not funny and you're not going to make me say anything for your fucking tally count. let it go.  
TG: im not fucking with you??  
TG: dude lying about being interested in you would be a low fucking blow  
EB: yeah, it really fucking would be. and it is!  
EB: so stop. please.  
EB: please? look. im being nice.  
TG: why the fuck would i have said anything before when even breathing the word "man" would make you get so fucking rude and defensive and make me feel like absolute shit  
EB: ...im sorry  
TG: whatever dude  
TG: boners totally fucking killed so ~no homo~  
EB: do you really like me?  
TG: some fucking how  
EB: oh.  
EB: oh my god.  
EB: so like, when you were talking about. you know. us. doing stuff. that's a real thing you want to happen?  
TG: i just figured that maybe now that you managed not to be a total irredemable prick for 20 minutes i might be able to say something without it turning into a fucking thing  
TG: clearly that was a mistake  
TG: man i dont want anything to happen if you arent going to be into it  
EB: i /could/ be into it. you know. if it was you.  
TG: yeah sure king of the "im not gay"  
EB: im not! i dont think. i dont know. it's fucking confusing alright! you're confusing!  
TG: well then think about it instead of automatically putting up your defenses thats whats fucking confusing you  
TG: your need to shove yourself into one decided thing  
[TG] joined chat.  
EB: its not about labels or some shit! do you even! UGH! my... fuck. my dad.  
TG: what about him  
EB: he's like, super religious. he used to make me go to church with him all the time? and you know. churches.  
EB: ugh.  
TG: im familiar with the concept i think ive seen them on tv  
EB: he's going to hate me! i dont want to be gay! and i dont even think i am! ive never liked anyone but you!  
EB: fuck.  
EB: i mean.  
EB: i just.  
TG: alright dude  
TG: take a deep breath ok  
EB: god thats so fucking weird and stupid and creepy.  
EB: im a fucking creep.  
TG: why are you a creep  
EB: i never really liked anyone dave.  
EB: i tried to like your sister.  
EB: it obviously didnt work out, forcing shit like that.  
TG: obviously  
EB: and then i tried flirting with some other people and even just now you were showing me all these dudes who i know should be attractive?  
EB: but i mean. they're not, and all i can do is say "well i dont like them because..." and it always basically boils down to "not dave"  
EB: and it's fucking weird.  
EB: and then i just get so fucking jealous!  
EB: like, you're never going to meet chris hemsworth ever, most likely anyway, but just. thinking about you liking him makes me so fucking mad!  
TG: sounds like an acey issue  
EB: no.  
EB: because i still definitely want to bang you.  
EB: like a lot.  
EB: wow i did not just say that.  
EB: wow.  
EB: woooooooooooooow.  
TG: you so did  
EB: not gay not gay not gay fuck fuuuuuck fuck fuck fuck no.  
EB: i need to stop.  
EB: i can't.  
EB: i can't talk to you anymore. not right now.  
TG: well you know man sometimes people just dont get to that whole physical attraction thing until after there something emotional first  
TG: john dont say that  
TG: just breathe  
EB: please dave i dont want to think about this.  
TG: you cant just avoid it  
TG: its not going to go away  
EB: maybe it will!  
TG: no it wont john  
EB: maybe if i never talk to you again ill forget about you!  
TG: because youve been growing up your entire life ignoring it and here it is  
EB: dave i can't.  
TG: i need you to just breathe  
EB: i cant breathe it fucking hurts.  
TG: forget everything ive said alright i shouldnt have pressed you like that i was being a huge fucking asshole  
TG: keep trying  
TG: just keep breathing  
EB: im fucking trying but i cant! i keep like  
EB: gasping  
EB: and i cant handle this  
EB: dave i love you i really fucking do but i cant talk to you anymore  
EB: not tonight  
TG: john  
EB: or like ever again  
TG: come on dont  
TG: say that  
EB: i cant deal with this!  
TG: yes you can  
TG: please just close your eyes and try to breathe  
TG: im not rose i dont know anything else that i can say to help you but number one thing to do is calm down  
TG: youre going to be fine  
EB: every time i fucking think of you it hurts! its scary as shit!  
EB: i dont want this!  
EB: i never asked for this!  
TG: alright you are clearly having a panic attack here  
EB: a little!  
TG: can you call me  
EB: no  
TG: i promise i wont talk  
EB: i cant even fucking hear your voice right now thats not going to help anything  
EB: oh  
EB: okay  
TG: i wont talk alright  
EB: i  
EB: fine  
TG: i just want you to have something to breathe to  
EB: i cant even see find my phone shit  
EB: skype?  
TG: its lying im here  
TG: skype works fine whatever you can manage alright  
TG: not speaking  
TG: just breathing  
\-- ectoBiologist [EB] is calling turntechGodhead [TG] !! --  
TG: john??  
EB: im calling im calling  
\-- Call Connected !! --  
TG: there see no talking not a word  
EB: dave.  
TG: im here man i am not going anywhere  
\-- Call Ended !! --  
EB: i cant  
EB: im sorry  
TG: you gotta find something to breathe into dude  
EB: im fine@  
TG: no youre not john  
EB: im fucknig fin e  
TG: look  
TG: im trying to be sensitive here  
TG: but if i dont know youre safe you know im going to have to get ahold of your dad  
EB: no no non o no  
EB: dave no!  
TG: then please try for me  
TG: please just try  
TG: dont give up  
EB: im saf e ok im not go na do anyting i jus need time fuck  
TG: im not worried about you doing anything  
TG: im worried about you passing out from lack of oxygen  
TG: you remember on tv when the nerdy kid would fail their test or something someone would give them a paperbag to breathe into  
EB: ?  
TG: you need to find one of those  
EB: i dont h ave one?  
TG: im not going to press you anymore tonight just at least give me some peace of mind that youre calm and safe  
EB: im fine ust. gime a minute.  
EB: safe.  
EB: fine.  
EB: A +  
TG: sigh  
TG: call me again  
EB: ok im catcihng my breath im ifne.  
EB: no.  
TG: you can mute me entirely john just let me hear it  
EB: i dont like. not hearing oyou. kno ing youre there>? but i cnat tak to you.  
EB: 5minusres ok ill be fine give me time or i lt be worse.  
TG: you want 5 minutes  
EB: yeas  
TG: ok  
EB: ok  
EB: ok  
EB: im fine  
TG: are you sure  
EB: im alright now, i just needed to lay down for a second.  
TG: alright  
EB: fuck this is not how i expected this night to go at all.  
EB: this is some bullshit.  
EB: lets just pretend none of this ever happened.  
TG: john we  
TG: me neither i didnt even get to finish  
TG: we cant just pretend this never happened  
TG: this is a serious issue this isnt just a poorly handled crush this is a big deal  
EB: no its not.  
EB: its a stupid crush and ill get over it okay?  
TG: dude yes it is you just had a panic attack  
EB: so?  
TG: so you think its normal for people to have panic attacks when they find out their crush likes them back  
EB: dave we're done here.  
TG: no we arent  
TG: man you wanna lie to yourself be my fucking guest but dont you dare fucking sit there and lie to me  
EB: fine.  
EB: fucking fine.  
TG: you can lose your crush on me if you ignore it but that isnt going to change everything else thats going on here  
EB: what do you want me to say dave?  
TG: this is way deeper than you want to acknowledge  
EB: what do you expect to happen?  
EB: like, whatever, ive got some sexuality issues i'd rather not deal with.  
TG: you cant just  
EB: you caught me! im not actually a dudebro i just dont want my dad to think im some fucking faggot.  
EB: i can just!  
EB: I cant just do anything i want!  
EB: i can hide if i i want  
EB: i can fucking pretend this never happened.  
TG: no you FUCKING CANT because this is NOT ONLY ABOUT YOU  
EB: I DONT WANT TO GET KICKED OUT!  
TG: nobody fucking does  
TG: but why does your dad have to know anything  
TG: why does lying to him mean you have to fucking lie to yourself  
EB: well am i supposed to keep it a secret forever?  
TG: and drown yourself in this toxic bullshit  
EB: i dont want to fucking live like that.  
TG: then dont dude  
EB: i dont want to have to hide from him.  
TG: live like that for as long as you need to  
TG: you dont think this is hiding??  
TG: you think it just magically starts being hiding???  
EB: shut up!  
TG: dont fucking tell me to shut up  
TG: im not going to feed your delusion  
TG: im SICK of fucking doing that  
TG: rose can watch from afar and study all she wants im through with it  
TG: im fucking worried about you  
EB: why?  
TG: fuck crushes fuck love and sex youre my best friend and youre fucking destroying yourself  
TG: im tired of seeing you like that  
TG: some try-hard asshole who inadvertenly puts me down everytime we talk  
EB: i dont mean to!  
EB: i didnt even. i didnt think it would hurt your feelings?  
TG: well it does  
TG: and it has  
TG: for a long damn time  
EB: i thought you were fucking around with the flirting, i just. i didnt want you to know. /i/ didnt want to know.  
EB: i never meant to hurt you.  
EB: fuck.  
TG: i know you didnt  
EB: im sorry.  
EB: im so fucking sorry dave.  
TG: dude i know all of this  
EB: i dont know what to do.  
TG: you dont have to do much just  
TG: try to stop lying to yourself, mostly  
TG: other bridges you can cross when you get to them  
EB: if i stop lying to myself i have to start lying to my dad  
EB: and everyone else.  
TG: those things arent related john its been a lie for everywhere  
TG: im not gonna tell you its easy because its not  
TG: its totally unfavorable  
TG: but its just how it is sometimes??? and we gotta deal  
TG: and dude you honestly might not be gay??? there arent two choices on the spectrum that everyone fits neatly under one or the other  
EB: i dont think im gay  
EB: i dont know what i am?  
EB: i dont even care.  
TG: thats ok too  
EB: obviously not straight.  
TG: you never have to find the answer to that man  
TG: you can leave it at "prefer not to disclose" for the rest of your life if you want  
EB: okay.  
EB: i'll just. fucking accept it then.  
EB: ugh.  
EB: this is bullshit!  
TG: i know  
TG: rose is gonna kill me  
EB: why?  
TG: rule number one was not to confront  
EB: she had rules?  
TG: look im sorry for being so pushy i was honestly just fucking around but i got selfish with it  
TG: you were just actually being reasonable and nice and i kind of leaped for it with every shred of hope i had  
TG: im a jackass  
EB: no youre not.  
EB: im the jackass.  
TG: this is jackass  
EB: i get to be steve-o.  
TG: i want to be with you john but that can wait until the end of time if thats how long you need  
TG: no more pushing  
EB: god youre so fucking sweet you're making my chest literally hurt what the fuck.  
EB: this is.  
EB: bull.  
EB: shit.  
TG: i know dude i fucking know  
EB: i want to be with you too.  
EB: but i don't know hoW?  
EB: how*  
EB: like  
EB: where do we even start?  
TG: maybe with gently touching toes  
EB: thats gross.  
TG: yeah but its a step down from fingers  
EB: i dont think we need to go that slow. what am i? some delicate petal?  
TG: you had a panic attack because i liked you back  
TG: im falling asleep but just  
TG: youre precious to me alright  
EB: no.  
EB: i had a panic attack because im coming to terms with my sexuality.  
EB: it's not because you like me back, douchebag.  
EB: what, you think your feelings for me are going to overwhelm me that much? :P  
EB: ok so maybe that did add to me being overwhelmed.  
EB: but it's not what caused it!  
TG: well talk about it in the morning  
TG: night john   
EB: ugh. night. 


End file.
